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- TWELFTH NIGHT
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- Act 3 Scene 2
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- (Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian)
- l1l Sir Andrew No, faith, IÆll not stay a jot longer.
- l2l Sir Toby Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.
- l3l Fabian You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.
- l4l Sir Andrew Marry, I saw your niece do more favours to
- l5l the CountÆs servingman than ever she bestowed upon
- l6l me. I saw Æt iÆ thÆ orchard.
- l7l Sir Toby Did she see thee the while, old boy? Tell me
- l8l that.
- l9l Sir Andrew As plain as I see you now.
- l10l Fabian This was a great argument of love in her toward
- l11l you.
- l12l Sir Andrew ÆSlight, will you make an ass oÆ me?
- l13l Fabian I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of
- l14l judgement and reason.
- l15l Sir Toby And they have been grand-jurymen since before
- l16l Noah was a sailor.
- l17l Fabian She did show favour to the youth in your sight
- l18l only to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour,
- l19l to put fire in your heart and brimstone in your liver.
- l20l You should then have accosted her, and with some
- l21l excellent jests, fire-new from the mint, you should have
- l22l banged the youth into dumbness. This was looked for
- l23l at your hand, and this was balked. The double gilt of
- l24l this opportunity you let time wash off, and you are
- l25l now sailed into the north of my ladyÆs opinion, where
- l26l you will hang like an icicle on a DutchmanÆs beard
- l27l unless you do redeem it by some laudable attempt
- l28l either of valour or policy.
- l29l Sir Andrew An Æt be any way, it must be with valour, for
- l30l policy I hate. I had as lief be a Brownist as a politician.
- l31l Sir Toby Why then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis
- l32l of valour. Challenge me the CountÆs youth to fight with
- l33l him, hurt him in eleven places. My niece shall take
- l34l note of it; and assure thyself, there is no love-broker
- l35l in the world can more prevail in manÆs commendation
- l36l with woman than report of valour.
- l37l Fabian There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.
- l38l Sir Andrew Will either of you bear me a challenge to
- l39l him?
- l40l Sir Toby Go, write it in a martial hand, be curst and
- l41l brief. It is no matter how witty so it be eloquent and
- l42l full of invention. Taunt him with the licence of ink. If
- l43l thou ôthouÆstö him some thrice, it shall not be amiss,
- l44l and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of paper,
- l45l although the sheet were big enough for the bed of
- l46l Ware, in England, set Æem down, go about it. Let there
- l47l be gall enough in thy ink; though thou write with a
- l48l goose-pen, no matter. About it.
- l49l Sir Andrew Where shall I find you?
- l50l Sir Toby WeÆll call thee at the cubiculo. Go.
- (Exit Sir Andrew)
- l51l Fabian This is a dear manikin to you, Sir Toby.
- l52l Sir Toby I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand
- l53l strong or so.
- l54l Fabian We shall have a rare letter from him; but youÆll
- l55l not deliver Æt.
- l56l Sir Toby Never trust me then; and by all means stir on
- l57l the youth to an answer. I think oxen and wain-ropes
- l58l cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were
- l59l opened and you find so much blood in his liver as will
- l60l clog the foot of a flea, IÆll eat the rest of thÆ anatomy.
- l61l Fabian And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage
- l62l no great presage of cruelty.
- (Enter Maria)
- l63l Sir Toby Look where the youngest wren of nine comes.
- l64l Maria If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourselves
- l65l into stitches, follow me. Yon gull Malvolio is turned
- l66l heathen, a very renegado, for there is no Christian that
- l67l means to be saved by believing rightly can ever believe
- l68l such impossible passages of grossness. HeÆs in yellow
- l69l stockings.
- l70l Sir Toby And cross-gartered?
- l71l Maria Most villainously, like a pedant that keeps a school
- l72l iÆ thÆ church. I have dogged him like his murderer. He
- l73l does obey every point of the letter that I dropped to
- l74l betray him. He does smile his face into more lines than
- l75l is in the new map with the augmentation of the Indies.
- l76l You have not seen such a thing as Ætis. I can hardly
- l77l forbear hurling things at him. I know my lady will
- l78l strike him. If she do, heÆll smile, and take Æt for a great
- l79l favour.
- l80l Sir Toby Come bring us, bring us where he is.
- (Exeunt)
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